Fickle Bitch of Fate (Nouadhibou, Mauritania)

Nov 26^th, 2010 - We spent days in Nouadhibou planning our move into Mauritania's interior and addressing a mini-financial crisis. Both issues would prove to be exhausting. What to do and how to do it? The Adrar Region is a must see for anyone visiting Mauritania and the primary goal of our visit. We'd been dreaming about it from the moment Mauritania appeared on our radar. The only question was how best to see it.

Adventure is only a train ride away. Everyday a train departs from Nouadhibou and heads east, then north all the way to Zouerat where it loads up with iron ore and returns (I believe there are four separate trains in all). We were only interested in going as far as Choum where we would hop off and make our way three hours south via bush taxi to Atar, the capital of the Adrar Region. When moving at full capacity the succession of rail cars can stretch out over two kilometers and is reputed to be one of the longest trains in the world. At the very end is a passenger car that you can stuff yourself into for around $8 - $10. Or you can save your money and ride in an empty (or full, depending on which direction you ride) ore car for free. It can be an impossibly dusty and borderline hellatious 12-hour ride. We were in. Once in Atar it was there we planned to hire a 4x4 with driver to buzz around the desert.

But we had to consider option #2: Hiring a 4x4 with driver all the way from Noudhibou. Although much more expensive the freedom it would provide was rather alluring. We'd met a driver/guide at the border entering Mauritania who gave us his card. He spoke a bit of English so we thought we might listen to his spiel. His English prowess was not quite what we would had hoped and over the course of two days we engaged in a dizzying succession of discussionss that would have exhausted Middle East peace negotiators.

The Road to Terjit (Adrar Region, Mauritania)

Dec 9^th, 2010 - (Nov 11th-12^th, 2010) I see people living in this part of the Saharan Desert and think: If the world were to end I'm not entirely sure these folks would notice.  I had a dream the other night that I was discussing taxes with Newt Gingrich. He told me I was naïve because I said we should tax people who can afford it. At some point in my dreamscape a giant tree came alive and started to chase me but a woman came out of her house and shooed it away. Thanks. Later, I was collaborating on a movie with Matt Damon. Finally, I published my own book by merely hitting 'print' on my computer. Out popped a book in hardcover format. Busy night.

Remember how we had an electrical problem with our vehicle (fuse) and how Ahmed told us everything was kosher? It wasn't. After packing the truck and saddling up we were delighted to discover that the battery was deader than a fargin doornail. Great way to welcome the day.

So Ahmed made his way back to the village of Ben Amira on foot to see if he could round up another vehicle to give us a jump. He told us he'd be back in five minutes. That's five minutes of 'Ahmed time', of course. In Ahmed time five minutes equals anywhere from twenty minutes to two hours. We never did quite decode his formula.

Terjit-Chinguetti-Tanochert (Adrar Region, Mauritania)

Dec 12^th, 2010 - (Nov 12^th) Vexation. Frustration. Cerebral constipation. Anti-cooperation. This became the nature of our relationship with Ahmed. He was confusing the living bejesus out of us. We floated the idea of having our Dutch friend (Yoris) join us for at least part of our journey. He had hopped on the ore train from Nouadhibou and ended up hitchhiking his way to Terjit afterward. We had space in our Toyota Heliux, Ahmed would incur no extra cost that we could foresee, and Yoris' fluency in French would assist Ahmed as much as it would us. No problem, right? Wrong. 

Ahmed resisted. First he said something about insurance, claiming if something happened to Yoris he would be liable. Alllllriiiiight. Liable to who? Was he not already liable for us? What if Yoris had been with us from the start? What is the difference? I was mustering all my powers of empathy to see his point of view. He was not helping.

He mentioned phoning his sister in Nouakchott and asking her to speak with somebody for some reason to accomplish something (She was chummy with someone important). Then he mentioned a tax that had to be paid. As I tried to clarify and understand his position it slowly eroded until he finally told me it would be no problem. Huh? Tax you say? We were willing to pay it but he then claimed it was no problem. In the course of ten minutes he went from 'No F'in Way' to 'Ain't no thaaang but a chicken waaang'. Yes, I was bewildered. What else is new? It was impossible to accommodate him because it was impossible to determine what the hell he wanted.

Ahmed Kerfuffle of '10 (Ouadane & Guelb er Richat, Mauritania)

Dec 15^th, 2010 - (Nov 13th – 14th) We left Tanochert in the morning and continued through the desert to Ouadane, a desert outpost once a staging point for trans-Saharan trade. No one was particularly chipper. Ahmed was no exception. Had it not been for the consistent mesmerizing nature of the landscape I should think I would have been much more somber. However, not even Ahmed's relentless prevarications, protestations and bitchinations were enough to dampen my mood when presented with scenery that truly defies adequate description. Still, our cheerless leader gave it his all.

We arrived in Ouadane around 10 am in the morning and were under the impression that we would then be headed to the Richat Structure (Guelb er Richat). In fact, it was Ahmed who suggested this itinerary days before. However, after arriving in Ouadane he told us it was too late to head to Richat. According to him he normally leaves around 7 am to visit the crater and returns sometime around midday or early afternoon. Keep in mind that he once told us he never gets moving before 8 am. Why would he?

He was worried about going alone (i.e. one vehicle). He was also worried that the sand would be too hot making it difficult to maneuver through. Are you f***ing sh**ing me????!!!!! We had been driving through the 'hot' sand for six days. Not a word about this before and as far as the time of year was concerned November is relatively mild in relation to temperature. What the friggin hell was he talking about?