844 days, 20,256 hours, 1,215,360 minutes, or 72,921,600 seconds. That is the approximate duration of my world tour. I never wanted it to end and now, in a manner of speaking, I suppose it never has to. If you wish to go by country do so by clicking on one above. They are numbered in the order I visited them, more or less. If you enjoy reading about it even a tenth as much as I enjoyed living it then you will not have wasted your time. Grab a refreshing beverage, settle in a comfortable chair, and make a journey across the world, experiencing it as I did. Then get off your ass and check it out for yourself. You're not getting any younger.

Ku-De-Ta (Seminyak, Indonesia)

For an updated version of this post, go here.

May 18th, 2009 - I buckled. I went for a hair cut today. I had not planned on it. I wanted to keep it long in order to take on that derelict, hobo aura. I figured this might make unseemly types hesitate before engaging. Just a theory but who knows. Well, I just could not take it anymore. With the heat and the motorcycle helmet I had to trim it. Now it’s fairly short. I went from hippie-ish to looking like I wear a collared shirt and sell insurance. Now my look may actually invite a good ass kicking. My own brand of birth control.

Today was a rather fine one. I did something I am not normally wont to do: I hung out at the beach most of the day. Kooky. I guess you could say I found the Bali I had envisioned. In the more upscale area of southern Bali (Seminyak area) is a beach side restaurant know as Ku De Ta (pronounced coups d’etat).

It sits atop a small hill on a magnificent stretch of beach. Truth be told the place is more than a little pretentious and it is peopled with the Bold and the Beautiful (or at least those who would like to be) but you cannot beat the location for the swimming and the view. It is especially favorable in the morning. I arrived around 8:30 am and starting sipping a beer by 8:45. That might indicate an addiction to alcohol but in this case it was simply that the mood struck me, and a fine mood it was. I rotated between the beer and the swimming. The water was near perfect, refreshingly cool and not too terribly salty. One could while away large volumes of time frolicking in the surf. And frolic I did. I noticed that if you hold your breath and float face up with the water just covering your ears it feels a little like you are the only person in the sea. That combined with the smooth action of the waves was sublime.

That was my morning. After a short hiatus to eat lunch and get my head butchered I returned to the same spot. I toyed with the idea of accomplishing something (i.e. preparations for my onward voyage) but all motivation quickly dissipated. I had more important things to do, like hiring beach vendors to give me a massage and foot scrub. Sometimes I have difficultly saying no. Did I really want a foot scrub and a beach massage? Negative. I just assume sit in my chair and let my mind go blank but I sometimes cannot resist the plight of the street vendor. I often buy things I have no interest in just to throw a few bucks their way. What can I say? I’m that guy.

The beach masseuse was not shy about hiking up the shorts and being a little too thorough. She was encroaching poopshoot land so I giggled, told her I was shy, and adjusted my shorts to a more modest position. Keep in mind I was on a public beach. 

I came up with a theme song (actually it’s just the chorus). It’s called “The Dirty White Guy Song”. I often see older white men of dubious physical stature paired with a young and often times rather attractive Balinese female. Either these dudes have million dollar personalities or there is money involved. This is not to say the women are pros (although the possibility is there) only that some of these impressionable young females are swayed by the affluent tourist type (I have also seen a significant number of grizzled older woman towing a young fit Indonesian bloke in their wake). So when I see this I find myself involuntarily chanting Dirty-dirty-Diiiiirrr-teeee ……Diiiiir-TAY!!!!! I have no control. It just automatically escapes my lips. Although created for a specific instance its usage has broader applications. It can be used for any seedy, salacious, or unsavory situation. You just saw the boss coming out of a hotel with a woman who is not his wife, Dirty-dirty-Diiiiirrr-teeee ……Diiiiir-TAY!!!! You run into your neighbor outside of the adult bookstore, Dirty-dirty-Diiiiirrr-teeee ……Diiiiir-TAY!!!! Your roommate and his girlfriend are attempting to set a new sex Olympics decibel record, Dirty-dirty-Diiiiirrr-teeee ……Diiiiir-TAY!!!! It need not have sexual connotations either. Let’s say your relative just stunk up the bathroom, Dirty-dirty-Diiiiirrr-teeee ……Diiiiir-TAY!!! The cat just pooped on the carpet, Dirty-dirty-Diiiiirrr-teeee ……Diiiiir-TAY!!! Your three year old just did a swan dive into a mud puddle, Dirty-dirty-Diiiiirrr-teeee ……Diiiiir-TAY!!!! For pronunciation see below. 

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