At Long Last (Bali, Indonesia)

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Bali at last. Upon arrival at the airport in Denpasar I immediately hopped a taxi to Ubud, supposedly the cultural hub of the island. Jet lag is fun. After arriving at my lodging I had intended to take a small nap and soldier on until nightfall. Nuh-uh. I crashed like a speed freak after a weekend in Vegas. It is 2 am and I am wide awake. Stellar.

A few observations. The group of tourists I arrived with at the airport was not at all what I expected. I guess I envisioned the twenty-something live free or die demographic. Instead I was presented with what I can only describe as the Eastern European version of white trash. Terrible I am.

No judgment as to character, only presentation. There was the woman in front of me with the tight-ass jean shorts (complete with little hunks of ass protruding from within) and a tank top. I had all I could do to contain my inner sexual beast. There were numerous males at varying stages of mullethood and females with hair that I’m fairly certain was never ever in style. Gold chains, wily chest hair, and manboobs all made an appearance. It’s like the whole trailer park won an all-inclusive vacation to Bali.

Eddie & Indo (Slideshow a la Indonesia)

Indonesia Facts (U.S. Department of State)

Geography
Area: 2 million sq. km. (736,000 sq. mi.), about three times the size of Texas; maritime area: 7,900,000 sq. km.
Cities: Capital--Jakarta (est. 9.7 million). Other cities--Surabaya 2.8 million, Medan 2.1 million, Bandung 2.4 million.
Terrain: More than 17,500 islands; 6,000 are inhabited; 1,000 of which are permanently settled. Large islands consist of coastal plains with mountainous interiors.
Climate: Equatorial but cooler in the highlands.

People
Nationality: Noun and adjective--Indonesian(s).
Population (2010 est.): 237,6 million.
Annual population growth rate (2010 est.): 2.7%.
Ethnic groups (2000 census): Javanese 40.6%, Sundanese 15%, Madurese 3.3%, Minangkabau 2.7%, others 38.4%.
Religions (2000 census): Muslim 86.1%, Protestant 5.7%, Catholic 3%, Hindu 1.8%, others 3.4%.
Languages: Indonesian (official), local languages, the most prevalent of which is Javanese.
Education: Years compulsory--9. Enrollment--94.7% of eligible primary school-age children. Literacy--98.3% (2010).
Health: Infant mortality rate (2007)--34/1,000. Life expectancy at birth (2009 est.)--70.76 years.
Work force: 117.4 million (2011). Agriculture—39.3%, industry—20.9%, services—47.8%.

Government
Type: Independent republic.
Independence: August 17, 1945 proclaimed.
Constitution: 1945. Embodies five principles of the state philosophy, called Pancasila, namely monotheism, humanitarianism, national unity, representative democracy by consensus, and social justice.
Branches: Executive--president (head of government and chief of state) elected by direct popular vote. Legislative--The People's Consultative Assembly (MPR), which includes the 560-member House of Representatives (DPR) and the 132-member Council of Regional Representatives (DPD), both elected to 5-year terms. Judicial--Supreme Court is the final court of appeal. Constitutional Court has power of judicial review
Suffrage: 17 years of age universal, and married persons regardless of age.

A Peek at Mt. Batur (Bali, Inodnesia)

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January 23rd, 2009 - Yesterday, I went for a spin north on the motorbike to Gunung Batur. This is one of the numerous volcanoes on the island. Although I do plan to climb it at some point this was more of a scouting mission. I just felt like riding. On the way a local woman stopped me at an intersection in order to bequeath the requisite blessing and extort the requisite 10,000 rupiah. 

Afterwards, a gentleman on the side of the road informed me that I got screwed. Normally, blessings run 1,000 rupiah. Maybe I needed the more potent version. After all, my soul is ablaze with countless indiscretions.

It is the wet season which means of course that the tip of the volcano is frequently obscured. I did get a picture but it is not so crisp. You will also see the one of me on my hog. Born to ride. Born to raise hell (hence the necessity for the deluxe blessing).

I took a detour on occasion down roads that few tourist appear to venture and received the well-recognized ‘What-the-hell-are-you-doing-around-here?’ glances. Some rather cute little girls beguiled me out of a few rupiahs. Diabolical.  It was worth it as one of them graciously allowed me to snap a photo. Generally speaking, it is a terrible idea to hand out cash to anyone as it sets a bad precedent but they melted me like butter. I handed over less than a dollar but they were extremely appreciative. What can you do?

The whole area around the volcano is covered in lava rock. There have been numerous eruptions over the years, although I believe it has been some time since a major one.

Absolut Petrol (Southern Bali, Indonesia)

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January 26^th, 2009 - Drove all over the south of Bali today. I would like to reiterate that driving a motorbike here is just a tad nerve racking. I am flabbergasted about the conspicuous lack of mass casualties on the roadways. Pleased, but flabbergasted. I think they start riding before they start walking. Imagine stacking your entire family (father, mother, two kids) on a moped and going out for a casual spin.

And you know you are good when you can negotiate traffic at 40mph while chatting on the cell phone or with four mattresses somehow rolled and strapped to the back. Or how about chickens, a food stand, or ten to twelve crates? Ain’t no thang.

How can driving the wrong way down the highway seem like a good choice? Are they intentionally playing chicken with whitey (i.e. me) or is it normal to come as close as you can to a head on collision before swerving? Dunno, but it sure gets the heart pumping. What do you do when there no actual gas stations nearby? Sell gas out of Absolut Vodka bottles, silly.

Tegallalang (Bali, Indonesia)

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Jan 27th, 2009 – Whilst trolling the streets of Ubud on my 125cc mega-hog I cannot fight the urge to hum the theme from Sanford and Son (Listen here). It is irrepressible and I do it relentlessly. Kooky. I did a little rice paddy hopping today in the vicinity of Ubud (Tegallalang to be precise)….which was lovely. I have a tendency to detour frequently, exploring the nooks and the crannies I see along the way.

My deviations usually occur right after thinking, ‘Hmmmmmm….I wonder where that goes?’ It is mucho divertido but I normally end up riding down some small village road rarely seen by tourists (at least that’s how it feels).
Curious glances from the locals abound. I suppose I might react the same way if a stranger made their way down my little back road in Upstate NY doing three miles an hour on a moped and gazing around like a toddler in a fun house. Being a mega-mutant (by their standards anyway) probably does not help.

As I was taking a photo today a gentleman came out to the road and invited me to his home for coffee and bananas (In the immortal words of Gwen Stefani, That shit was bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S!!). Ketut was proud of his bananas and I have to admit they were delicious. And Balinese coffee is quite good as well, if not a bit strong. It was interesting to speak with him. His English is not all that good but we could communicate well enough. I am attempting to mutilate another language (this time Indonesian) so it was useful to be able to ask him how to say this or that in his native tongue. 

Balinese Tallywacker (Bali, Indonesia)

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January 28^th, 2009 - Saw a Balinese man’s tallywacker today. Didn’t mean to. As I rounded a corner on my motorbike I encountered a man standing basically in the road going wee wee. It just so happened that as I came around my eyes rested squarely upon his junk. Awesome. Sorry, no pictures. I seriously wish I could erase the one in my head. Blaaaaahck!

Mt. Agung (Bali, Indonesia)

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Jan 29th, 2009 – No trip to Indonesia would be complete without climbing a volcano. That’d be like going to Vegas and not dressing like a preacher before getting stupid drunk and gambling like an asshole. I lost my ‘Ring of Fire’ virginity on Mt. Agung, a still active stratovolcano located in east Bali. It is the holiest mountain on the island and, not surprisingly, the location of the most important temple (Pura Besakih). 

In fact, I was told that there was an important ceremony today at that very temple. It is constantly jamming and, if you can believe Wikipedia (I do implicitly making me an unapologetic wikiot), holds at least seventy festivals per year (a year being 210 days on the Balinese calendar). Mt. Agung is believed to be a replica of Mt. Meru, the central axis of the universe. In other words, Don’t F**K with Agung!

There are two routes up the mountain: the long arduous way beginning at Pura Besakih leading to the highest point or the lite version starting farther up the hill at another temple on the east side, Pura Pasar Agung. I was much more interested in the ‘pain-in-the-ass’ route but I was informed that it was closed as a result of the ceremony. Hindsight being that bastion of illumination I have come to know and love, I suspect I may have been told this in order to save a guide the trouble of going the hard way.

So the guide picks me up at 2 am. That’s right 2 am. The idea is to reach the top in time to watch the sunrise. Yes, the sunrise would be super but considering it is the wet season the likelihood is not so great. And everyone gets picked up at 2 am regardless of ability. I was thinking that since I am alone the going would be a bit faster and we could leave a bit later but who am I to protest? Nobody. One thing you will discover here is that catching the sunrise is of fucking paramount importance. Not attempting to do so makes you a douchbag….even during the wet season….when your chances are smack dab in the middle of slim and nuh-uh.

Mt. Batur - Part One (Bali, Indonesia)

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Another day, another volcano. This time it is Mt. Batur, an active volcano on the northeast corner of the island. The current volcano is actually at the center of two much larger, older concentric calderas. From the air (i.e. aerial shot) it is possible to appreciate just how massive the older volcanoes actually were. The lake of the same name is located within the boundary of the biggest. In comparison Mt. Batur is just a little guy (or girl if you wish). I cannot fathom the type of geological event that gave birth to its ancestors. Welcome to Indonesia and its portion of the Pacific Ring of Fire.

A government organization controls all guided trekking on the mountain. If you hire a guide he/she must be a member of this organization. From what I have read some of its members can become a little ‘old school Sicilian’ with those wishing to make the hike sans guide. Apparently, they can show up at your hotel, wait by the trail to see if you are guideless, or even threaten people who refuse to hire a guide. I am not sure what they threaten you with as causing bodily injury would ensure no need for their services.

Mt. Batur Part Deux (Bali, Indonesia)

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January 31^st, 2009 - I woke up this morning, took a look outside, saw the mountain was free of cloud cover and decided to give the volcano another shot, this time solo. I was a little concerned that I might encounter an angry mob of Balinese guides with torches and pitchforks demanding I hire one of them but it did not come to pass, thankfully.  Although I encountered two groups coming down as I was going up neither of the guides said a word.

Nyoman suggested a place away from the guide office to start the trek and that I should tell any discontents that I had already paid for a volcano tour the previous morning. Luckily, I had no problem. This was a great decision on my part and one of the best mornings I’ve had in a long time. As it turned out I had the volcano to myself. There was a woman near the top selling drinks and small snacks but besides her it was just I (unless you count the local monkey troop and the adorable doggy). And the views were excellent as the pictures will attest. I did have a minor standoff with Curious George and his crew but after a few threatening waves of a stick and some harsh language the tension dissipated.

I See Dead People (Trunyan - Bali, Indonesia)

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The second half of the day was an altogether different experience. At the risk of sounding melodramatic I have to provide a warning about these next photos. Some of you may find them rather disturbing. 
On the previous afternoon Nymoan spoke to me about the people across the lake (insert eerie music here) who reside in the village of Trunyan.

The residents are reputed to be descendants of the Bali Aga, the original inhabitants of the island that predate the arrival of Hinduism. They are well-known for, among other things, their unique ‘burial’ methods, which is to say no methods at all. Bodies of the recently deceased are merely placed on the ground in the ‘cemetery’ to decompose naturally. The dearly departed are first laid within a bamboo enclosure and allowed to decay slowly.

When the process reaches a certain stage or if more space is required (I was told there is room for eleven bodies at a time in separate bamboo pens) the bones are placed in a pile adjacent to the enclosures until most of the flesh has rotted away and the bones are relatively dry. When all the flesh has dissolved they stack the bones in the designated area, lining up the skulls in a nice neat row.

The Russians (Bali, Indonesia)

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Feb 1^st, 2009 - The Russians are following me. You may remember the quartet (two guys and two girls) from my rafting trip. I have run into them randomly on two more occasions since that outing. I am currently in central Bali (Lake Bratan to be exact) and last night they showed up at my hotel. I think they’re KGB. One of the females is trying to beguile me with her smile, lure me in, and kill me in my sleep. I’m sure of it. But I’m onto them. Maybe I’ll sleep under my bed just in case.

Danau Bratan & Pucak Mengu (Bali, Indonesia)

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Feb 2^nd, 2009 – Spent the night near Bedugul and awoke early this morning to see Pura Ulun Danu Bratan, located on the shore of Lake Bratan. It is a famous temple dedicated to Dewi Danu, the Balinese water goddess. Pilgrimages and ceremonies are held here to ensure a steady supply of water for farmers all over Bali.  The temple is one of the most photographed structures on the island. I went early to avoid the onslaught of tourists. It was pleasant but it would have been nice to have a sunrise to go along with it. Damn the wet season. I blame Dewi.

Later, I went for what I thought would be a fairly easy climb up a small mountain (Mengu) running eastward alongside Lake Bratan. It turned out to be quite grueling and I doubt many people have been up that path in some time. Of course it rained and everything was wet and slippery but I did enjoy it none the less. At the top was a small temple, Pura Puncak Mengu. As I saw no one on the way up or on top it was actually pretty rewarding. The temple was covered in a light mist which when combined with the rain was a bit ethereal. Going solo made all the difference.

I am not the only occupant in my room. I left some food on the counter and when I returned some of it had been moved and some of it was missing. They took the pastry and left the peanuts. I am guessing rats, rats with discriminating tastes.

Tomorrow back to Ubud. No sign of the Russians.

Rainy Rain Rain (Bali, Indonesia)

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Feb 4^th, 2009 - Today it rained . . .again. That combined with the general vibe permeating Ubud and vicinity is like having a constant flow of tranquilizers pumped into your bloodstream (Author’s Note: Doesn’t help that I was slightly anemic at the time). Naps are involuntary. I am attempting to work out my visa situation as I currently possess a 30 day visa on arrival. I could keep extending month by month here but that is a bit of a hassle and technically illegal. Looks like I will fly to Singapore and obtain a two month social-cultural visa from the embassy there. That is extendable for up to four months inside Indonesia. I should have obtained this visa from the embassy in DC but I did not know if I would be here for that long. I spent today trying to arrange this. Still working……

Tonight I went to a traditional Balinese dance performance known as the Kecak Fire Dance. It was interesting but like an idiot I forgot my camera. I will probably go again tomorrow. My schedule is fluid. 

Pura Sebatu & Kecak (Bali, Indonesia)

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Feb 5^th, 2009 - Today I met up with Ketut again (see Jan 27th). He had offered to take me to a cremation ceremony and although I was hesitant at first my Bali Aga Death Extravaganza pushed me over the hump. I doubt this could be more morbid. Well, it didn’t happen. Apparently, there was a scheduling conflict with another ceremony so the cremation was postponed until Feb 14th. I am not sure I really understand that. Where is the recently deceased being stored?

Under a Banyan tree? How does someone not foresee the conflict? “Sorry, Wayan is just going to have to wait. The Harvest Spirit is pissed and we need to appease that ornery prick, pronto. We’ll torch your brother next week. Is the 14th good for you? Put him over there under the tree. And burn some incense, would ya?”

So instead I spent half the day hanging with Ketut. We drank coffee, ate a bit of lunch, and then he took me to a nearby temple for a look around. I am not templed out yet but I imagine I will get there. This happened to be a particular beautiful one so it was well worth my time. This particular temple was ‘functional’ as well. It has a badminton court.  Badminton is huge in Southeast Asia…..real huge.

Airport Journey (Bali, Indonesia)

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Feb 6th, 2009 - Today was nerve-racking, to put it mildly. I drove to the airport on my motorbike so I could buy a ticket to Singapore (need a new visa). I suppose I could have bought a ticket in town (Ubud) from an agent but I decided to skip the middle man. Online you say? I could not access the website. Anyway, have I mentioned the traffic? The road to the airport runs through Denpasar, the capital of Bali. Let’s just say traffic is a tad dense. Perhaps sparing myself the stress would have been worth a few extra bucks. However, I will treasure the experience (not really).

Every time I ride that bike I see something that confounds me. As I was headed back to Ubud a young guy actually drove up alongside me and tried to convince me to go somewhere or purchase something. I wasn’t really paying attention as I was trying to avoid serious bodily injury and/or death. I’ve had people chase me down before but not while I was doing 30 mph. I contemplated pulling off to the side and asking him what the hell he was doing but concluded my consternation would fly right over his head. Certain truths I believe to be self-evident, truths that cross all cultural boundaries. One of these truths is the dangerous nature of trying to hold negotiations while driving 30 mph on a motorcycle through traffic. Then again, what the f**k do I know....really?

Eat, Pray, & Love Ketut Liyer (Bali, Indonesia)

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Feb 9th, 2009 - Not all that much too report over the last few days. I have been basically planning my next move while flirting heavily with a possible motorcycle purchase. I came close to buying one but after doing research on the internet have decided against that particular bike. Apparently, there are reliability and safety issues. Sooo…no thanks. I may still opt for a brand new Honda Tiger. Grrrrrrrrrrr!! This is a popular Indonesian model. It is only 200cc so my pants will most certainly not catch on fire. However, that is about all the power you need here. Anything more is a waste.

Today had an interesting turn. I met a fellow by the name of Ketut Liyer. He is a Balinese medicine man, painter, woodcarver, and fortune teller (among other things). If any of you have read Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert then you’ve been introduced to him before. In the Bali phase of her ‘one woman search for everything’ she spent a great deal of time with this gentleman and wrote about him in her book. She did a rather impeccable job of describing him, most notably in her comparison to Yoda. His resemblance to the little green sage is eerie, both physically and in regards to his mannerisms. The only thing lacking is the signature reversal of sentence order indicative of the Jedi master.

When I arrived at his family compound (traditional Balinese setup) he was busy with some other clients. While I waited I looked over some of the paintings and carvings on display. I was a bit hesitant to just drop in. From what Elizabeth wrote in her book and what I was told by some locals and fellow travelers he is a famous healer in Bali. People come from all over to seek his counsel. So here I am showing up unannounced in hopes of an ad-hoc palm reading. A woman staying at my hotel told me that when she went it was set up by a friend and that she wore a sarong, brought a traditional offering, and even purchased one of his paintings. I guess I hoped that just the mere presence the Exalted Goofy One (that would be me) would be sufficient. Thankfully, I was not expelled. By this time he had achieved a degree of fame due to the book so apparently he was accustomed to folks dropping by randomly.

Cremation Celebration (Bali, Indonesia)

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Feb 15th, 2009 - So yesterday I went to a cremation ceremony ..... sort of. It was more like a pregame warm up. In the end the only thing cremated was my ambition to watch a cremation ceremony. Before the ceremony I met my friend Ketut again. He not only informed about the ceremony but offered to accompany me.I arrived at his house for a bit of lunch and coffee before our departure. Unfortunately, I was subjected to a smidgeon of financial pressure. 

He wanted me to purchase some of his wood carvings, an issue he'd brought up more than once. Like before I told him I'd prefer to do so before I left Indonesia so I could avoid lugging them around. He claimed to understand but proceeded to present me with seven small carvings that had been sanded and stained, clearly for my benefit alone. He understood that I could not take them until I left Indonesia for good but he was hoping I could pay for them then and come get them when I was ready to leave.

He told me that his wife had done the work and was hoping for some compensation (The chorus to Queen's "Under Pressure" suddenly began resonating inside my head). He then informs me that his wife needs an operation, shows me an ultrasound image, and tells me the cost of the operation is five million rupiahs (around $440 US). Pressure pushing down on me, Pressing down on you no man ask for, Under pressure - that burns a building down, Splits a family in two, Puts people on streets............

Ubud Rotary Club (Bali, Indonesia)

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Feb 18^th, 2009 - Last night was bizarre. While in Ubud I have met a rather interesting fellow. His name is Cyrus. He lives in Manhattan, has published three books, is an expert on the art of writing eulogies, is half Iranian, so on and so forth. You get the picture. He has no trouble keeping up his end of the conversation. I am reading one of his books now (Farewell, Godspeed: The Greatest Eulogies of Our Time). It is a novel idea for a book and an extremely interesting read. I just finished Fidel Castro’s tribute to Che Guevara. But I digress. Cyrus recently spent a month visiting Iran and has some truly fascinating tales to tell. It was this trip that led to his invitation to speak at the Bali Ubud Rotary Club. Fortunately, I was invited along to hear him speak. What is the Rotary Club? Well, here you go:

'Rotary is a worldwide organization of more than 1.2 million business, professional, and community leaders. Members of Rotary clubs, known as Rotarians, provide humanitarian service, encourage high ethical standards in all vocations, and help build goodwill and peace in the world. There are 33,000 Rotary clubs in more than 200 countries and geographical areas. Clubs are nonpolitical, nonreligious, and open to all cultures, races, and creeds. As signified by the motto Service Above Self, Rotary’s main objective is service — in the community, in the workplace, and throughout the world.'

This meeting, held at a restaurant in Ubud, was brimming with odd right from the start. By chance both Cyrus and I are tall fellows and, on this night, both happened to be wearing black t-shirts. We do not look very similar but this did not prevent people from mistaking me for Cyrus on numerous occasions.

Territorial Pissings (Ubud - Bali, Indonesia)

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I'm an idiot. Why? It is not because I quit my job without intention or desire to secure future employment in the midst of one of the worst economic downturns in US history or because I packed my shit and flew half way around the world with only a vague idea as to my how long I would be gone or where I would end up. No, no.

I'm an idiot because I thought it would be grand to buy a motorcycle and drive around as much of Indonesia as I could with little to no mechanical knowledge, a decidedly poor grasp of the local language, and a plan only slightly less vague then the one that brought me here in the first place.

Yet the very idea of executing this ill conceived scheme makes me giddy as a school boy. Do people actually say that? How about as giddy as a fairy with a fist full of pixie sticks on a gumdrop bridge under a cotton candy sky on his/her birthday? Are there male fairies? There must be.

'You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm.'

- Colette, French novelist (1873 - 1954)