844 days, 20,256 hours, 1,215,360 minutes, or 72,921,600 seconds. That is the approximate duration of my world tour. I never wanted it to end and now, in a manner of speaking, I suppose it never has to. If you wish to go by country do so by clicking on one above. They are numbered in the order I visited them, more or less. If you enjoy reading about it even a tenth as much as I enjoyed living it then you will not have wasted your time. Grab a refreshing beverage, settle in a comfortable chair, and make a journey across the world, experiencing it as I did. Then get off your ass and check it out for yourself. You're not getting any younger.

Not Feeling So Prague-ish (Prague, Czech Republic)

September 8th, 2010 - Adventure? I think folks pruning their roses are more adventurous than I have been lately. Ever since I hit Europe I've been a bit sluggish. I think it is all the civilization and convenience I've been bombarded with. I've become soft. And just like Southeast Asia started to run together so it is with Europe. I don't have to carry around my own poop paper. People generally understand what I'm saying. I am only bewildered and confused 30% of the time. F*** that.
After Telc I returned to Prague and spent a few more nights couchsurfing with Radka, after which I booked a room at the Czech Inn. Get it? I'm checked in to the Czech Inn. F^%#ing brilliant. Not a bad place but a bit overpriced. Welcome to Prague. I was here 14 years ago. Things have changed. Want to like Prague? Stand on St. Charles Bridge at 6:30 am on a clear cool morning. Want to hate Prague? Stand on St. Charles Bridge on a warm sunny day around noon. I almost felt like I was at a rock concert except the band never showed up. This is true of all the sites in central Prague. After 10 am you'll pretty much be dry humping the person next to you as you try to savor the view. 

I committed a Couchsurfing faux pas of sorts. As Radka has a life (job, car, apartment, etc.) she was unable to come gallivanting all over Prague indefinitely but was kind enough to furnish me with a spare key. I was gracious enough to return one evening in the throes of an alcoholic stupor and commit an act of gross negligence. I failed to lock the door. Not a problem as the door locks automatically if you manage to actually close the door, which I apparently did not. So when Radka arose the next morning she was none to pleased to find the door to her apartment wide open. She told me later that she could not quite figure out why the footsteps in the hallway seemed to be much louder than normal. Did she rouse me from my fermented slumber to give me a shlacking? No, no she did not. Did I deserve that and much more? Yes, yes I did. She left me a note alerting me to my idiocy. I apologized profusely but still feel terrible. Dumbass.

he weather has been abysmal for most of my stay here. Cold and rainy. This is probably just as well because I've been quite a lazy-ass of late. Not so much pep in my step. I came here mostly to visit a friend (and return a camera lens left behind in Georgia) although I was curious to see what Praha had become. For the most part I've manage to do two things exceptionally well: Jack and Shit. I'm ashamed to say that I've watched most of the sixth season of House and the entire last season of Lost on my computer (Radka hooked me up). Yes, I deserve to be ridiculed. But while I'm on the topic I've got two syllables to describe the Lost finale: stu-pid. I feel dumber for having watched it all. If you see me on the street you have my permission to punch in the face. Do it. 

My excuse? I was tired and needed to rest and sleep for an extended stint. I did manage to get out a little, gobble some yummy Czech food, ride a bicycle around Prague, snap a few photos, throw down 10 gin and tonics while trying not to make an ass out of myself (unsuccessful), watch my Polish friend shop for footwear, so on and so forth. And don't worry, I found a Starbucks. Actually, I found three of them. Welcome to Prague. 

Cruising around Prague on a bike is actually rather stimulating in an 'obstacle course' sort of way. No well-developed system of bike paths here (compared with Copenhagen and Berlin). The fun is trying to negotiate the cobblestone streets and hordes of wide-eyed tourists without ever putting your foot on the ground. Give it a shot. It ain't easy brother. 

I have a lasting memory of Prague…from 14 years ago. At the time I was young, not well-traveled, and easily impressed. Prague was just starting to attract globetrotters. It was one of the highlights of what I like to call the American College Asshole European Tour. I remember standing outside some bar (don't remember which) having a conversation with a thirty-something American guy from Ohio with green hair. He looked fairly average and unremarkable (in other words he did not have that punky alternative vibe that might explain his head) but for some reason his hair was green. I never did ask why.

Anyway, this dude starts explaining to me how fearful he was that once he arrived in Prague he would not be able to find marijuana anywhere. He'd just come from Amsterdam where the ganja flows like wine and thought he might have to take two night trains (Prague-Amsterdam-Prague) in order to cozy up to Mary Jane. Two consecutive night trains just so he could get high? God Bless America!

Lucky for him he was able to find his fix at a reasonable price. I know I felt relieved. That is the part of the conversation that made him sound intelligent. He then proceeded to give me his critique of a live sex show he attended in Amsterdam. Mr. Ohio Green Hair was extremely disappointed that the performance did not culminate with the male thespian ejaculating on stage. Instead he just feigned an orgasm as he swung his crowbar at the audience. Green Hair seemed to be borderline angry about this conclusion, liked he'd thrown his money away. In other words he felt screwed.

"Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I'm not living" 
— Jonathan Safran Foer (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close)

Here you can do whatever the hell these folks are doing.

Here you can't do whatever the hell these folks are doing.

Love Lock Bridge: Where couples come to 'secure' their devotion for eternity. Adorable. 

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'Love me or hate me, but spare me your indifference.' -- Libbie Fudim