And while I am on the topic of me mayhap I should focus on me a bit more. I'm my favorite subject. I could just go on and on about yours truly on account of I'm so f^%$ing interesting. I have also been accused of having an arrogant disposition, especially in the presence of folks I have yet to meet or have just met. The defendant will plead guilty to this count, not of actually being arrogant mind you, but to wearing just a hint of Supercilious For Men (apparently my favorite cologne). The origins of this are somewhat complex. I was extremely shy as a youngster so I think I constructed this façade of aloofness as a sort of defense mechanism. And I could be mistaken but I believe that such walls and masks are not altogether uncommon in western societies, particularly in America. Emanate cool at all times. People are judging. So you see the fault lies with society and my cultural indoctrination. I blame the capitalistic consumer environment of materialism and superficiality in which I was reared. Shirking personal responsibility seems to be all the rage. Why should I be any different?
I could be mistaken but that the last time this occurred was in 1999 when I thought I made a mistake. Throughout the years I've tried to counteract this impulse with a concerted effort to project a more visible air of approachableness. However, such a disposition can be a liability while on the road, especially in areas rife with unseemly elements. As I often find myself going solo it is sometimes advantageous to project a 'stay the f$%k away from me' attitude. So it seems I may have regressed a tittle.
The important thing is that those that do take the time to get to know me will find me a rather amiable fellow….probably. Just think of me as a big goofy teddy bear, one that likes to throw the F-bomb around gratuitously (we all have our vices). I am not perfect (it's true) but I would like to believe that I am an eminently decent fellow…who just loves tooting his own horn. Toot! Toot! Frankly, I just assume have someone else toot my horn but like Mr. Jagger says, You can't always get what you wa-ant.....
Speaking of tooting my own horn I have been rather unsuccessful at attracting members of the opposite sex of late. I think I've misplaced my mojo. It is like I have been guzzling Love Potion #6 (6 being the opposite of 9 which is the potion that makes ladies swoon at the sound of your voice. Get it?). Maybe it's my hair. Or the fact that I am constantly shitting my pants. Who knows? I've got a theory that falls nicely in line with the whole Narcissus theme. Maybe it is the Supermodel phenomenon. You see, some ridiculously attractive people have reported being somewhat lonely at certain points in their lives because, they surmise, their appearance intimidates potential mates. That must be it. I'm just too friggin sexy for my own good, dangerously attractive if you will. Staring at me is like staring into the sun. Prolonged exposure could lead to blindness.
I am thinking about buying a new hat, a hat I tried on in the mall the other day. It looked really good, so good in fact that while I was admiring myself in the mirror I could barely resist the urge to go back to my room and F myself. This frightened me, so I placed the headgear back upon the shelf. Too dangerous.